I explain the solution as three separate issues because that's the way I look at the relationship after an affair (the injured, the person who cheated, and the relationship).
I help you start healing your marriage even if your spouse isn't willing yet . What You Can DO To Save Your Relationship To repair your relationship you need to follow a sequence. I call it a sequence because healing your relationship is about building on success after success. As a matter of fact, that is how I came up with my system. After spending years watching couples go back and forth, I started to see patterns (certain methods that worked to bring a couple closer together).
I think people don't know what to do when they are so numb from finding out, but your program describes exactly what should be done." Kristin Slagle Milner, GA This is why my system is unique; many other programs require couples to start together right out of the gate.
"...your program describes exactly what should be done." "I think you hit the nail on the head when you said to sort through your emotions instead of asking questions about the affair.
First, they need to work alone and sort through all of the emotional weights (Phase I). Once they are ready, they will start working together (Phase II). Working through the emotional turmoil first is crucial because it helps the couple avoid starting World War III and making matters worse.
(Knowing this information would prevent it from happening again.) Ray and Kathy needed help working together through the 10 dimensions of their relationship to slowly, but permanently , rebuild the trust in order to affair-proof their marriage.
(Without believing the lie that it was her fault and drowning in a pool of self-hatred.) Ray needed help uncovering the reasons why he had the affair and understanding the pain Kathy was going through so he could give her an opportunity to heal and forgive him.
Both the injured and the cheater need to sort out specific issues before they can begin to work on the "relationship." Because of the trauma and alienation that an affair brings, it is unrealistic to assume you can work together right away.